


the past affecting the future

by smartbuckley



Series: Buddie Tumblr Prompts [18]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Car Accidents, Chronal Disassociation, Established Relationship, Evan "Buck" Buckley Backstory, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Making Out, POV Alternating, POV Bobby Nash, POV Evan "Buck" Buckley
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-21
Updated: 2020-02-21
Packaged: 2021-02-28 03:20:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22827055
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smartbuckley/pseuds/smartbuckley
Summary: From the following prompt:the team is called to the scene of a car accident but the children are shown to be victims of abuse and Buck is seriously affected by it and doesn’t act the most professional. Bobby yells at him back at the 118 and buck storms out in a rage and no one understands why he is acting like this. It takes Maddie confessing about how their dad always hit Buck for them to get it, and they are sad that Buck didn’t feel like he could tell them. Bobby is especially affected by this revelation
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz
Series: Buddie Tumblr Prompts [18]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1528010
Comments: 14
Kudos: 431
Collections: 9-1-1 Tales





	the past affecting the future

**Author's Note:**

> This is probably my favorite fanfiction of 2020 so far. I hope you guys enjoy it, especially you nonnie, who requested it. Apologies that it took so damn long to post, so thank you for waiting. Mind the tags, and if I missed anything, please let me know. Enjoy ♥
> 
> The car accident and mentions of abuse aren't detailed.

The call seemed like a pretty straightforward and simple call when they first got it. Car accident on one of the main highways in LA, traffic was blocked, and they needed to make sure the victims in the accident were okay, and get the traffic going again so it wasn’t congested. The call seemed simple, and the entirety of the one-eighteen weren’t overly worried when they packed themselves into the trucks and made their way to the accident, preparing the best they knew how to get ready to help the people in the cars that were injured. Like all drives, the drive to this specific accident went by quickly and Buck spent most of the time during the drive talking quietly to Eddie about their plans for their date on the weekend, a rush going through both men when they remembered they were dating in general. When they do finally arrive though, both men become serious and work on following orders, Buck following Bobby as he’s asked before he pulls out the jaws of life after looking at the accident carefully and realizing it’s going to be needed.

The car he stops in front of has two adults and two kids -- a boy and a girl -- inside of it, all bloodied, bruised but relatively alright, which is probably why Buck didn’t realize anything was wrong at first, believing the bruises to have been from the accident, not having looked deeper. Bobby and Eddie are opposite him, talking to the Dad while Buck is talking to the kids, watching the mother with Hen carefully, feeling in his gut that something is off as the adults give the details as to what happened. Shaking his head, he looks towards the kids and kneels down so he’s even leveled with them, smiling at them as he does his best to calm them down, using his words and body language to exude calmness.

“Hi there. I’m Buck, a firefighter. Want to tell me what happened?” He asks, voice light, frowning a little when he sees the two children look at one another and then their father with what appear to be wide, fearful eyes. It happens quickly, quick enough for Buck to smooth out the features on his face as they turn back to him, the feeling in his gut getting stronger by the minute.

When the kids look down and shake their heads, Buck finds himself frowning once more, looking at the Dad with narrowed eyes before he spots Bobby looking at him in thought. Something’s not right, he thinks, and when he looks over to Hen, he’s a little surprised to find her staring at the Dad also with narrowed eyes.

“Hen,” he says, voice quiet, watching as she turns towards him, shoulders relaxing. “What’s the story the mother gave?” He asks, frowning as Hen tells him what the mother said. He shakes his head, his feeling strong as he exhales and looks back towards the Dad before feeling a tug on his sleeve, looking down at the kid with a small smile, hoping it calms them down in case they’re not feeling well.

“What’s up, kiddo?”

“It was our Dad,” the kid whispers, wide eyed and staring at his Dad every few seconds, body tense while Buck follows the gaze, biting the inside of his cheek as he tries to figure out his next step. 

“He was angry, and said he wanted to teach us a lesson since--”

“Mikey,” the little girl says to her brother, nudging him as he cringes and Buck’s eyes widen as he finally understands, the puzzle coming together as anger courses through him. He takes a few deep breaths, looking towards Hen, who was watching with her own understanding coursing through her eyes, and Buck nods.

“Alright. Are you kids okay, though?” He asks, waiting for both the little girl and boy to nod before he steps away and towards Hen, planning on making his way towards the Dad on the other side of the car.

He doesn’t know why he didn’t realize it sooner, or recognize the signs from the few minutes he was looking at the kids. He  _ knows _ the signs, knows it like the back of his hand, even though it’s been years since he’s had to remember anything from that time of his life. And it’s remembering how he grew up, constantly afraid of his dad, saying or doing the wrong thing, waiting for the consequences, that his the anger inside of him growing the closer he gets to the kids’ dad.

Briefly, he notices Bobby look up and does a double take at him, but he ignores it, and all of the warning bells that are ringing in his head as he pushes past his captain and boyfriend to get into the face of the other man.

He’s yelling - he understands he’s yelling, but he has no idea what he’s saying, what he’s doing - he feels like he’s blacked out in anger, doesn’t know what he’s saying or feeling, just knows that Eddie is pulling him backwards, can recognize his boyfriend’s arms anywhere, and that Bobby is looking at him in anger, telling him to go to the truck and cool down and Buck barely listens, even while Eddie is dragging him away, telling him it’s okay, everything’s okay.

It’s only then that Buck stops completely, his body sagging into Eddie’s as he looks at his boyfriend, eyes wet as Eddie runs his fingers through Buck’s hair with a frown.

“What happened, babe?” Eddie whispers, slowly pulling Buck into the truck and Buck is just about to tell Eddie when the truck door slams open and the rest of the team come in, Bobby glaring at Buck as he gets into the driver’s seat. Buck can’t help but cringe back into his own seat, Eddie’s hand squeezing his, trying to sooth him, as the truck begins making its way back to the station.

* * *

By the time they arrive at the station, Buck takes a few minutes to exit the truck, looking between Bobby and Eddie, biting his lower lip before resting his head on Eddie’s shoulder and breathing deeply. He feels like he’s going to get yelled at by Bobby when his captain makes his way to them, once Hen and Chimney have left the area to appear busy somewhere else, but when Buck looks at Bobby, he’s surprised to see the man have an understanding look on his face.

“Go take a nap, Buck. We’ll talk later, alright?” Bobby says and Buck nods, though he’s not quite sure he understands, and he looks towards Eddie, confused. When Buck finds himself in front of one of the doors to a bunk, he blinks, not realizing how he got there, and looks towards Eddie, thankful the man is still with him, before looking back at the door.

“How--” he begins, shaking his head before pausing and looking at his boyfriend once more, a frown on his face as Eddie pushes the door open and then guides Buck inside and towards the bed, smiling when Buck relaxes completely.

“You alright?” Buck hears and he finds himself blinking at Eddie, thoughts running through his mind as he opens and closes his mouth, trying to find a way to say what’s on his mind while he sits on the bed and goes into the corner, Eddie following him, wrapping his arms around him, waiting patiently. Buck can’t help but fall a little more in love with Eddie as he does this, a small smile forming on his face, thinking that Eddie is like a lighthouse while Buck is a lost ship in the ocean, in the middle of a storm that he can’t get himself out of.

He doesn’t know how long he stays silent, how long Eddie waits for him, but eventually, Buck takes a breath and then releases it, closing his eyes in time with the breath before he lays in the bed, Eddie following him, arms wrapping around one another.

“My dad used to abuse me. Maddie was older, and perfect, so she never got the brunt of my Dad’s anger but my Mom and me?  _ Constantly _ ,” Buck whispers, closing his eyes briefly and remembering all of the moments his Dad would punch him, or hold his arm tight enough to bruise, or say something to him that was meant to hurt just as much as his fists did.

He can feel Eddie rubbing his back, can tell his boyfriend is pissed at finding out what his Dad used to do to him, but he doesn’t focus on that, shaking the memories out from his mind and opening his eyes, smiling at Eddie before snuggling into Eddie’s arms.

“My Dad made sure to only abuse me and my Mom when Maddie wasn’t in the house - she was his princess, and he never wanted her to think terrible of him, so she was as clueless as they come but --” Buck begins before trailing off and shrugging.

“It’s been a long time since he was on my mind, but when I saw how scared those kids looked, when the little boy began saying how it was his Dad’s fault, I just --” Buck finishes, letting out another breath as Eddie’s arms tighten around him and he feels Eddie kiss his neck, a small yawn slipping free as his eyes close.

“Take a nap, Buck. I’ll be here if anything happens, I promise,” Buck hears Eddie whisper before he does just that, feeling comfortable and safe in his boyfriend’s arms, something that has him feeling good.

* * *

“Hey Maddie, do you think you can come by the station? Something happened on a call and while Buck is fine, his reaction was out of character and I was hopeful maybe you knew something about it,” Bobby says into his phone, frowning despite Maddie agreeing to stop by within twenty minutes, since her break was starting soon anyways. Bobby found himself feeling grateful that Maddie’s work was near enough to the station that she could walk and not deal with any L.A traffic, but he was too busy thinking about what had happened earlier to think about her timeframe any deeper.

The way Buck acted was -- like Bobby said to Maddie - completely out of character for the younger man, and the captain didn’t understand what was going through the kid’s mind in order for him to react the way he had. He wanted to know, and while he was on the scene yelling at Buck, it wasn’t until Eddie had given him a look and then looked at Buck that had Bobby realizing that Buck wasn’t all there, completely out of it, and not hearing a single thing Bobby had been saying in his fury.

That was the first clue, he realized, that something was wrong, because Buck never seemed distant when he was in a conversation with someone, or being yelled at, and it worried the older man. What was even more worrying, however, was the fact that Buck stayed silent all throughout the ride back to the station. He wasn’t there, and it took Bobby awhile to realize it, and with Eddie glaring at him when he tried to talk to Buck, he knew it would be even longer until he was able to talk to the other man. Which is why he had decided to call Maddie, getting her phone number discreetly from Chimney.

He knows she’s no doubt worrying about what happened, knows she’s probably gotten herself anxious, so when he sees her enter the building as he exits his office, and his thoughts are confirmed, the best thing he does is release a breath and nod to himself before gesturing her - and the rest of his team - upstairs, so that there’s some comfort without the formality being in his office would bring.

As Maddie’s heels clack and Chimney makes his way to her, helping her up the stairs, Bobby lets out a small breath as he sits on one of the armchairs, facing the couches, position clear that he wants to be able to see everyone as he explains what happened to Maddie, and hopefully, gets some more information.

Only a few minutes go by as everyone situates themselves, Hen and Chimney sitting while Maddie paces - and Bobby lets out another breath, looking up at Maddie with a small frown before he begins explaining what happened. He watches her carefully even though he wants to look away as he begins Buck’s reaction to the Dad, frowning as Maddie’s mouth drops open before it closes with pursed lips, the woman crossing her arms over her chest as she lets out a small breath and stops pacing, choosing to sit on one of the couches now that she knows what had happened.

“What I’m going to tell you--” Maddie begins, fiddling with the bracelet she’s wearing as she lets out a breath, closing her eyes briefly and looking away, causing Bobby to frown at everyone, curious more than ever before she continues-- “Buck doesn’t know I know. I grew up, clueless, but I found out when our Mom died. And he doesn’t know that I know, because, I guess he wants to protect me? So you can’t share what I know, okay?” Maddie says, her voice quivering as Chimney wraps his arms arounds her and rubs her arm, Maddie smiling softly at him before leaning against him completely.

“Our dad used to abuse Buck and our Mom. I never knew when I was growing up, or when I left and was still keeping in contact with them, but from what I gather--” Maddie says, blowing out a breath, continuing to frown-- “It was pretty bad. Emotional, verbal, physical. My dad took everything out on my brother, usually. Sometimes on my Mom, when he could, but Buck definitely got most of it. And it shaped him to who he is today and who he looks at when it comes to male figures in his life,” She adds, looking at Bobby, and Bobby --

Bobby feels like he suddenly understands Buck more than he ever had before. He’s remembering all of the moments where something had happened between them that Bobby found confusing - from Buck backing away from him in fear, to him being comfortable enough to call on him at any point.

The room is silent, Hen opening and closing her mouth in surprise, Chimney frowning and holding onto Maddie. Bobby wants to call Athena, wants to talk to Buck, but instead he takes a deep breath and shakes his head, rubbing his face.

“Where’s your dad now?” Hen asks before Bobby can and he finds himself smiling thankfully at his coworker, having wanted to ask that but not knowing how to.

“Back home in Pensyllvania. He tries calling me every week, because that’s…. We used to talk, every week, before I found out. But ever since I found out, I  _ can’t _ talk to him.” Maddie whispers, Chimney hugging her and Hen squeezing her hand, knowing how hard the topic would be for the female Buckley.

“Why doesn’t Buck know you know?” Bobby asks and Maddie ends up chuckling a little.

“He’s protecting me, by not telling me. He doesn’t want to ruin my relationship with my dad. And I -- I don’t -- I don’t know how I would feel if he realized he had to stop,” Maddie whispers, shrugging his shoulders and Bobby nods. He doesn’t quite understand, but he knows enough to not continue asking her questions.

“He’s probably not ready to talk about it yet, so don’t push when he comes out, okay?” Maddie whispers, everyone nodding, silence reigning in the room as they wonder what to do next, and how much pain Buck has gone through in his life.

* * *

Slowly opening his eyes, Buck is surprised to find himself in one of the bunks at the firehouse, wondering how he got there and when. The last thing he remembers is going out on a call that was a car accident, with two kids in the car and --

And the kids were scared of their Dad, he remembers. And he had gone towards the Dad, angry and wanting to kick his ass but --

“Buck, hey,” he hears and he finds himself blinking, looking towards where the voice is and smiling when he sees his boyfriend and feels Eddie’s arms wrapped around his waist. He’s comfortable in the bed, safe, and he slowly begins to remember telling Eddie about his past. Instead of panicking, like he normally would, he snuggles into Eddie and lets out a small sigh of contentment, smiling into Eddie’s chest when he feels the other man kiss the top of his head.

“Thank you for being here,” Buck whispers, legs intertwining with Eddie’s as he tries to get closer to his boyfriend, feeling Eddie hum against him and kiss his head once more before he pulls away slightly, no doubt so he can look at Buck carefully. Buck can feel his cheeks turning red while Eddie brings his hand to his cheeks and caresses them, but he keeps eye contact, still smiling before Eddie smiles back and leans forward, kissing Buck softly on the lips while Buck’s heart soars.

“Are you okay?” Eddie asks after he pulls away from Buck and Buck purses his lips, thinking about it, before he nods, hands coming up to run through Eddie’s hair before leaning forward and kissing Eddie himself, putting all of his thanks into the kiss. He’s so thankful Eddie was there for him, so thankful that Eddie was able to help him and bring him here, get him here safely, because Buck knows he must have done something that him forgetting everything and while he doesn’t completely want to remember what happened, the fact that he could trust Eddie completely --

It made him fall in love with the man even more than he had earlier in the day. Pulling away from Eddie, Buck lets out a soft hum before snuggling in once more, ignoring the huff of laughter that comes from his boyfriend as they move around a little.

“I’m good now, yeah,” Buck ends up answering, closing his eyes once more and relaxing completely as Eddie nods his head, movement that Buck can feel. They remain in one another’s arms for who knows how long, content in just being with another, not saying anything before eventually, Buck lets out a yawn, stretches and opens his eyes, smiling at Eddie, not surprised to see his boyfriend watching him with softness in his eyes.

“What time is it?” Buck asks after a minute or two, he’s not sure, since there’s no window in the bunks and he’s too comfortable to move and check his phone. Which means Eddie does, Buck pouting when he has to move away from Buck to take his phone out of his pocket, Eddie chuckling as he does so before turning the phone on, Buck thankful for auto brightness occurring.

“Almost dinner time,” Eddie ends up responding and Buck hums before nodding, letting out a small sigh. He knows he’s going to have to go out there and face the team, face the facts and even probably get yelled at by Bobby, but he doesn’t want to. He just wants to forget the day ever happened and moved on, but it --

“Bobby came in while you were sleeping,” Eddie says, and Buck tenses, looking at his boyfriend carefully. When he doesn’t see anything that causes him to worry though, he relaxes, tilting his head towards Eddie carefully.

“He said he’s not going to yell at you about what happened - that he understands we all have our moments, but that it better not happen again,” Buck feels his mouth dropping open in surprise, a huff of laughter escaping him before he closes it, shaking his head in disbelief before blinking and nodding.

“I’ll take that,” Buck chuckles, arching his eyebrow at Eddie. He almost lets out another laugh when Eddie squeezes his side but instead, slowly sits up and stretches once more, watching Eddie’s shirt ride up his back as he follows suit. Unable to stop himself, Buck moves forward, arms wrapping around Eddie and pulling him in for a soft kiss, putting all of his emotions into, grinning softly before the two get lost in one another, fingers stroking every inch of skin they can reach.

They have a rule - no sex at work - but sometimes, in moments like this, they break it just slightly, letting themselves receive the comfort they need by being close to one another and they do that by kissing one another, touching one another in every available spot they get, letting themselves get lost in one another without completely breaking their rule.

After the day Buck’s had, he needs this, and he finds himself so thankful that Eddie is letting him have it, and a small moan breaks free at that, and Buck knows he’ll have to pull away so he’s not tempted to go further. A knock at the door though helps, alongside the shout of someone walking away saying dinner is ready and Buck hears Eddie let out a chuckle as they both pull away from one another.

“You good to go out?” Eddie asks after they straighten their clothes, trading kisses every few minutes while Buck nods and smiles. He knows today wasn’t good, knows it’s going to stick with him for a while, and he’ll have to answer questions  _ eventually _ but for now, he’s okay, holding Eddie’s hand and walking out of the room and upstairs, towards the kitchen and the food, thankful that he’ll be surrounded by people he loves, including, surprising him, Maddie, who gives him a long hug that he falls into and returns, smiling at her.

Things might be weird because of today but for now, Buck focuses on other things, and it works more than anything, allowing him to get out of his mind and into the present, enjoying dinner with the people who are most important to him.

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't had an episode of disassociation in a long time, so if it's messed up or something -- well, it's similar to how I disassociate. If I've used the wrong name for it though (who knows, with me), let me know.


End file.
